Definition of Marriage Undergoing a Change

Published January 7, 1988. It is becoming more evident to me that marriage in the United States is undergoing a major transition. Perhaps the reason so many marriages are in turmoil is because we are redefining what marriage is or should be.

When you think of all parties involved who define marriage, the problem becomes even more complex. We have government organizations trying to define marriage and family matters. A few years ago, the White House Conference on Family ran into a real quagmire even trying to define what constitutes a “family.”

As young people approach marriage, families on both sides are suggesting what is or should be a proper marital relationship. And then definitions are attached to marriage by the two people contemplating a wedding.

Churches and various religious denominations have also had a major impact in determining and defining marriage and family roles. What should men and women do, or for that matter not do, in a marriage?

In the January 1988 issue of Marriage and Family Living, a predominantly Catholic magazine, David Mace, a noted authority on marriage (who happens to be a Quaker), has an interesting editorial about the historical purpose of marriage. He claims that, in the past, there was only one purpose of marriage. And that was to rear children.

Mace notes “Clearly, marriage was developed to ensure that a man and a woman would do their duty in providing the best possible launching of their children to carry on cultural traditions into the next generation. Beyond assuring their own survival, nothing that parents did was more important than fulfilling their obligations as parents. In most communities, every possible step was taken to make sure that parents – men and women – didn’t evade this vital responsibility.”

He then observes, “Apart from this, there would have been no obligation to develop the institution of marriage, which has been in the past a universal human custom. As sociologist Edward Westermark, who wrote the first scholarly history of marriage a century ago, expressed it, ‘Marriage is rooted in the family and not the family rooted in marriage.”

It’s an interesting thought. According to Westermark, marriage – involving a husband and wife – existed for the benefit of family – including children and extended kin. As a father who recently sat up almost the entire night with a feverish 3-year-old son, I can attest to the fact that children do, indeed, need parents.

Mace, Westermark, and Marriage and Family Living have reminded us that children should be a higher priority in contemporary married life. But I wonder, is Mace correct when he writes, “Apart from this (the bearing and nurturing of children) there would have been no obligation to develop the institution of marriage.” While parenthood may be a major purpose and even perhaps the most important one, could there be others?

Next week I will quote from M. Scott Peck’s popular book “The Road Less Traveled.” He has still another viewpoint on the purpose and meaning of contemporary married life. In the meantime, what do you think are the purposes of marriage?