Every Spouse Needs Reassurance of Love

Published April 8, 1988. One of my all-time favorite movies has to be “Fiddler on the Roof.” I like to see it again and again. Maybe I love to watch Tevye as he tries to hold to tradition. Perhaps it is identifying with a husband and wife as their children grow up and marry. It may be that I am intrigued with the matchmaker as she tries to arrange a marriage in the community. But most of all I like to watch Tevye and Golde.

There is one particular song in “Fiddler” that is very insightful. Tevye is upset and distressed. He appears to need reassurance because he constantly asks Golde: “Do you love me?” I believe every husband and wife go through a similar state in marriage where reassurance of love is needed. We wonder silently or even out loud, as did Tevye, “Do you love me?”

When Tevye first asks the question. Golde apparantely doesn’t understand. She simply replies, “Do I what?” Tevye repeats the question once again.

Golde suggest that Tevye is upset and worn out. She also reminds him that they have three daughters getting married and tells him to go inside and lie down. Perhaps, she mutters, his question is brought about by indigestion.

Still, Tevye persists. Once again he asks. “Golde, do you love me?”

At this point Golde appears somewhat irritated that Tevye would even ask. He must know that she loves him for she replies, “For 25 years I’ve washed your clothes, cooked your meals, cleaned your house, given you children, and milked the cow. After 25 years, why talk about love right now?”

Tevye becomes introspective. He reminds Golde how scared and nervous he was on their wedding day. Golde reflects for a moment and admits she felt the same way. Tevye reminisces that his father and his mother said they’d learn to love each other. Now, after all this time, he is wondering if they really have learned to do so.

Once again he asks, “Golde, do you love me?”

She simply replies, “I’m your wife.”

He says he knows that but pushes the issue once more. “But do you love me?”

Now Golde becomes introspective. “Do I love him?” She reminds herself that for 25 years she’s lived with him, fought with him, starved with him, and shared the bed with him. “If that’s not love,” she asks, “what is?”

Then there is that tender moment at the end of the song. Tevye exclaims, “Then you love me!”

She replies, “I suppose I do.”

Now Tevye is reassured and replies, “And I suppose I love you too.”

Most couples married 25 years or more will identify with the short duet at the end. “It doesn’t change a thing, but even so, after 25 years . . . it’s nice to know.”

Those of us who are married need to remember the message in the song “Do You Love Me?” from “Fiddler on the Roof.” We may think our spouse knows he or she is loved. And we too may not totally understand those moments in life when a husband or wife needs reassurance. But we need to give it . . . especially at those times. And perhaps our spouse is like Tevye. Words are important, and nothing else will do at the time. Sometimes we may have to say those three little words: “I love you.”

After 5, 25 or even 55 years of marriage it’s still nice to know.