Don’t Worry About What’s Ahead

Published January 4, 1990. This column is a milestone of sorts for me. Eleven years ago this month, in January 1979, I wrote my first column on marriage for the Desert News. It was titled “Are You an Absentee Father?” More than 500 columns have followed. In that first column, I noted that some husbands are physically absent but psychologically present in the home. These men were those whose jobs or occupations required a great deal of travel away from home. Some husbands and fathers were able to stay away for long periods of time without noticeable disruption in the home.

The column also described many men who were physically present in the home . . . but were psychosocially absent. That is, their bodies were at home, but their minds weren’t. Their attention was devoted to television, work brought home from the office, hobbies, or a myriad of other activities that kept their wives and children at a distance. One wonders if much has changed during the past decade?

I confess—and Susan will agree—I am still an “absentee father” on many occasions. But not as much as I used to be. In retrospect, much has happened to our marriage and family during the 1980s. Perhaps the same is true of yours. Two of our seven children, Kris and Brandon, were born during that time, which necessitated moving to a larger home.

Doug, our eldest, was about to turn 12. Tammy was an active 10-year-old, Brian a curious 8-year-old, and Jon an inquisitive 6-year-old. Jason, it is difficult to believe, was a contented 3-year-old toddler. We had just moved to Orem two years earlier from Wisconsin where I had been teaching before accepting a position at Brigham young university. Susan was busy at home managing a handful of active children and a busy husband.

As I began writing for the Desert News in 1979, we were also on the threshold of a new decade. It’s interesting to look back and review what has happened. Would we want to know in advance what events were about to occur? I think not. That would take much of the adventure out of life. But as I gaze into my crystal ball, I can’t help but wonder where we all will be in the year 2000. What will we be doing? And once again I ask myself the question, “Do I want to know what lies ahead?” The answer is still the same. No, I do not. Much of the intrigue of life would diminish.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once noted something that may be pertinent as we leave the 1980s and head into the ‘90s. He said, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters when compared to what lies within us.”

Perhaps that thought is something we all could take with us into the next decade.