For Love and Money: An Age-Old Battleground

Published January 22, 1987. Like to liven up the evening a little? Then ask your spouse to review some of the following questions about money and how you handle it as a couple.

It is becoming evident that many of the troubles in contemporary marriage are associated with money management. They arise not so much from the actual money, but from the inability or unwillingness to talk about it. In fact, it may be that communication, or miscommunication, about money matters is the real culprit.

In the January “Marriage Enrichment newsletter,” Nita Higgenbottom has an interesting exercise entitled “Talking About Money.” In it she notes “In all marriages, couple have to resolve issues related to attitudes and decisions about money. You may find it helpful in starting off the new year to participate in the following exercise and come to a better understanding of how each of you looks at your money matters.”

Spouses are encouraged to answer the following questions alone.  Compare answers and talk about them. Here are the questions:

1. If you received $5,000 tax-free gift, what would you do with it? 
2. If you had to make a major cut in your current spending, what area would you cut first? 
3. Do you agree (A) or disagree (D) with the following statements? 
1. I’m basically too tight with money. 
2. My spouse in basically too tight with money. 
3. Equality in family financial decisions is important to me. 
4. I feel good about the way financial decisions are made in our family. 
5. Sometimes I buy things I don’t need just because they’re on sale. 
6. I believe in enjoying today and letting tomorrow worry about itself. 
4. I’d like to see us spend less money on ________________. 
5. I’d like us to spend more money on ___________________. 
6. What money problem is the most frequent cause of argument for us? 
7. What is the most sensible thing we have done with money since we were married? The most foolish? 
8. What are our dollar figures for the following items? 
1. Family take-home income $____________ 
2. Rent or mortgage payment $____________ 
3. Money spent on food each month $ _______________ 
4. Monthly car payment $ ______________ 
9. Do you feel each of you makes responsible decisions about credit purchases? 
10. How satisfied are you with the division of responsibility between the two of you in handling money matters?

Still speaking to each other? Take heart. All couples who experience a stable marital relationship have to learn to talk about money and adequately deal with it.

And remember, maybe money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy the kind of misery you prefer.